Somewhere along the way, lubricant became the product people quietly added to their basket before immediately clicking “Hide Order History”. It’s often seen as something you only need if something has gone wrong, if you’re getting older, or if
your sex life has somehow failed an imaginary inspection.

Which is slightly baffling when you consider we happily moisturise our faces, oil our hair and spend £40 on a serum promising to make our elbows glow.

Yet suggest adding a little lubrication to intimacy and suddenly everyone becomes strangely awkward.

The reality? Lube is not a sign that something is wrong. It’s simply another tool for making intimacy more comfortable, enjoyable and, yes, sometimes a lot more fun.

We spoke to Sex & Intimacy Coach Alex Gear about 10 of the most common lube myths and misconceptions he encounters — and why it’s time we stopped treating lubricant like a last resort.

1. Does using lube mean something is wrong?

If there’s one lube myth we’d love to retire, it’s this one. Lubrication isn’t a fixed setting. How much natural lubrication your body produces can change from day to day — and it isn’t necessarily connected to how much you want sex.

Hormones, stress, hydration, medications, your menstrual cycle, breastfeeding, perimenopause and menopause can all affect lubrication. You can be completely attracted to your partner, enjoying yourself and still find that a little extra glide makes things more comfortable.

In other words, needing lube doesn’t mean your body is failing.

“One of the biggest misconceptions I see is that if someone reaches for lube, their partner must have failed to turn them on. That’s simply not true. Lubrication isn’t a scorecard for attraction, it’s just one part of how our bodies respond, and those responses vary from day to day.”

— Alex Gear, Sex & Intimacy Coach

And plenty of people use lubricant simply because they like how it feels. Less friction can make touch smoother and certain activities more comfortable, whether you technically “need” lubrication or not.

Think of it less as fixing a problem and more as adding something that makes a good experience feel even better.

2. Is lube only for older women?

Nope. Not even slightly.

It’s true that hormonal changes during perimenopause and menopause can affect natural lubrication. But that doesn’t make lubricant a product exclusively for older women.

People of all ages and genders use lube simply because they enjoy it. It can make intimacy more comfortable, reduce friction and add another dimension to touch.

“Lube isn’t age-specific; it’s comfort-specific. Whether you’re 25 or 65, if something helps you feel more relaxed and enjoy intimacy more, why wouldn’t you use it?”

— Alex Gear

Exactly.

Lube isn’t a life-stage product. It’s a what-feels-good-to-you product.

3. Does using lube mean you’re not turned on?

This is slightly different from the first myth — because this one is about arousal, rather than lubrication itself.

We’ve been taught to think of natural lubrication as a kind of biological scoreboard: more lubrication = more turned on; less lubrication = less desire.

Bodies, inconveniently, aren’t quite that straightforward.

“One of the biggest misconceptions I see is that if someone reaches for lube, their partner must have failed to turn them on. That’s simply not true. Lubrication isn’t a scorecard for attraction – it’s just one part of how our bodies respond, and those responses vary from day to day.”

— Alex Gear

Your mind and body don’t always respond to sexual stimulation in perfect synchrony. You can feel attracted, excited and mentally engaged while your physical response doesn’t quite match. You can also experience a physical response without
feeling mentally aroused.

This is known as arousal non-concordance — the idea that physiological and subjective arousal don’t always line up.

And then there’s everyday life. Stress, poor sleep, medication, hormonal changes and simply having a brain full of things to remember can all influence your physical response.

So if your body isn’t producing quite as much lubrication as expected, don’t turn it into a referendum on your desire — or your partner’s performance.

Sometimes you just need lube.

4. Can you use lube with condoms?

Yes — but you need to choose the right one.

There’s a grain of truth behind this myth. Oil-based lubricants can weaken latex condoms, increasing the risk of tearing or breaking. That’s why it’s always worth checking the lubricant label before you reach for it.

Water-based lubricants, such as TNLC’s Simply Lube, are condom-compatible and can be used alongside latex condoms.

In fact, lubrication can be helpful when using condoms because reducing friction can help reduce the risk of breakage while making things more comfortable.

“The right combination reduces friction, helps prevent breakage and enhances comfort and pleasure for both partners.”

— Alex Gear

So lube and condoms aren’t an either/or situation. With the right combination, they make a rather good team.

5. Is all lube the same?

It’s slippery, it comes in a bottle… surely that’s the job done?

Not quite.

Lubricants come in different formulations, including water-based, silicone-based, oil-based and hybrid. Each has different properties and is better suited to certain situations, toys and types of intimacy.

Then there’s what’s actually inside the bottle.

Turn a few lubricant bottles around and you may be surprised by the ingredient lists. Glycerin, glycols, parabens and artificial fragrances are among the ingredients some people prefer to avoid in intimate products, particularly if they’re prone to sensitivity or irritation.

That’s one of the reasons we created Simply Lube.

We wanted to keep the formula simple: a water-based lubricant made with 99.2% natural ingredients, free from glycerin, glycols and parabens. It’s also toy-safe, condom-compatible and Vegan Society certified.

“Don’t just choose a lube based on the bottle. Turn it around and read the ingredients. Most people never do, but it’s one of the easiest ways to understand what you’re putting on your body.”

— Alex Gear

Because choosing a lubricant isn’t just about how slippery it is. The formulation matters too.

6. Is lube only for penetrative sex?

Poor old lube. It’s spent years being typecast. For many people, lubricant only enters the conversation when penetration is involved. But there’s no reason to limit it to one type of intimacy.

Lube can be used during solo play, with toys, during massage, with partnered touch or simply as part of exploring sensation.

“Lube is for pleasure, however that looks for you. It can make solo play feel smoother, toys more comfortable to use, massage more sensual and partnered intimacy more enjoyable. It’s not reserved for one activity or one type of relationship. It’s simply another way to help your body feel good.”

— Alex Gear

In other words, you don’t have to be having penetrative sex to reach for the lube. Sometimes it’s simply about making touch feel different.

7. Is lube only for women?

Let’s clear this one up: lubricant doesn’t have a target audience.

Somehow, it’s ended up being marketed as something women should quietly keep in the bedside drawer.

Let’s change that.

Lube is for anyone who wants to reduce friction, increase comfort or explore different sensations. It doesn’t belong to one gender, relationship status or type of sex.

“I’d love to see more men bringing the lube. There’s still this idea that it’s somehow a woman’s responsibility, but intimacy is something you create together. Turning up with a bottle because you want the experience to feel even better for both of you? That’s a green flag.”

— Alex Gear

We couldn’t agree more. Lube isn’t a product for women. It’s a product for people.

8. Does lube make sex better?

The honest answer? Better is subjective.

There’s no magic bottle that guarantees fireworks every time. But if by “better” you mean more comfortable, more relaxed and easier to stay present in the moment, then yes, lubricant can certainly help.

Physical discomfort can be a surprisingly effective mood killer. If you’re worrying about friction or whether your body is responding “correctly”, it’s harder to focus on what’s actually happening.

“I think people often assume lube is there to solve a problem, when actually it’s there to enhance an experience. If it helps you feel more comfortable, more confident and more able to explore what feels good, then that’s a win in my book.”

— Alex Gear

And that’s perhaps the nicest way to think about it. Lube doesn’t magically make sex better. It can simply remove some of the things getting in the way.

9. Does natural mean better?

The word natural gets thrown around a lot. And while it sounds reassuring, natural doesn’t automatically mean better for everyone.

What matters is choosing a lubricant that’s designed for intimate use, feels comfortable for you and contains ingredients you feel happy using.

If you’re prone to irritation or sensitive skin, checking the label is particularly worthwhile.

It’s also worth understanding that vaginal pH plays an important role in maintaining the natural balance of bacteria and yeast. A lubricant isn’t a treatment for vaginal health problems, but choosing a well-formulated product can help you avoid unnecessary irritation.

That’s exactly where Simply Lube came from. We wanted to make a lubricant with a straightforward ingredient list: 99.2% natural ingredients, with no glycerin, glycols or parabens.

Natural isn’t the goal for everyone. Knowing what you’re putting on your body is.

10. Can you use any lubricant with toys?

This one’s a definite no.

Different lubricants and materials don’t always play nicely together. Choosing the right combination helps protect your toys and, importantly, makes sure you’re using the product as intended.

The easiest rule to remember? Water-based lube is the most versatile option.

It’s compatible with most sex toys, including silicone, glass and stainless steel, as well as latex condoms. It’s also easy to wash away — one of the reasons it’s such a useful all-rounder.

Silicone-based lubricant is longer-lasting and works well for water play, but check compatibility before using it with silicone toys, as some silicone lubricants can affect certain silicone materials.

Oil-based lubricant can be lovely for massage, but, as we’ve already mentioned, should not be used with latex condoms, as oil can weaken latex.

Which lubricant should you use?

If you’re unsure, always check the manufacturer’s guidance for your toy or condom.

For an everyday, versatile option, water-based lubricant is a pretty good place to start.

Alex’s final thought

One of the questions Alex is asked most often isn’t which lubricant to buy. It’s how to bring it up without making things awkward. His advice? Keep it simple.

“You don’t need a perfect script. It can be as simple as saying, ‘I thought this might be fun to try together.’ When you frame lube as something that could make intimacy feel even better, rather than something that’s needed to fix a problem, it becomes an invitation to explore together instead of something to feel self-conscious about.”

— Alex Gear

And perhaps that’s the biggest myth of all.

Lubricant isn’t a last resort, a sign that something’s wrong or a product reserved for certain people at certain stages of life.

It’s simply another tool for making intimacy feel more comfortable, playful and connected.

Whether you’re curious about trying it, introducing toys, looking to reduce friction or simply wondering whether it might feel better, there’s no prize for doing it without lube.

So next time you spot a bottle on someone’s bedside table, don’t think of it as a problem solver.

Think of it as another ingredient for great intimacy. And that’s never something to feel awkward about.

Further reading

Still wondering which lubricant is right for you? Read our Ultimate Guide to Sex Toy Lube for a deeper look at different formulations, toy compatibility and how to choose the right lube for you.