1. What Exactly Is a Dildo? (And What It’s Not)

Let’s start by clearing something up: a dildo isn’t just a toy, it’s a cultural sex toy classic. One of the oldest pleasure tools in human history — predating batteries, silicone moulds, and even the concept of “shame” around solo pleasure. Archaeologists have found stone dildos dating back thousands of years, proving that long before iPhones and mindfulness apps, we were already inventing ways to feel good. At its core, a dildo is a non-vibrating, insertable toy designed for vaginal or anal stimulation. Some are sleek and minimalist, others beautifully realistic, some sculpted for the G-spot or prostate. The common thread? They’re made for penetration and exploration, not necessarily vibration. Think of them as the slow, sensual alternative to the flashy buzz of a vibrator — more analogue vinyl than Spotify playlist.

What a Dildo Isn’t

It’s easy to lump all sex toys together, but dildos have their own distinct identity. They’re not vibrators (though you can absolutely combine the two), and they’re not plugs — those are designed for long-term wear, not thrusting. They also differ from wands or bullets, which focus on external stimulation. Where vibrators deliver instant gratification, dildos invite you to slow down. To explore your rhythm. To listen to your body.

Materials Matter

The modern dildo can be made from a variety of materials, but not all are created equal. At TNLC, we only work with body-safe, non-porous materials that respect both your body and the planet.

  • Medical-grade silicone — soft, silky, flexible, and completely non-toxic.
  • Glass and stainless steel — perfect for temperature play and precision stimulation.

Avoid anything that smells like chemicals or feels tacky — that’s often a sign of cheap, porous plastics that can harbour bacteria (and no one invited that to the party). For a full deep dive on materials — and why they’re so important — check out our guide: 👉 Choosing the Best Material for Sex Toys

The Takeaway A dildo is simple, but not basic. It’s a blank canvas for pleasure — versatile, body-safe, and endlessly adaptable. Whether you use it solo, with a partner, or as part of a broader exploration of your body, the dildo is about control, connection, and curiosity. And that’s where the real magic begins.

2. Finding Your Perfect Match

Much like choosing a partner, finding your ideal dildo isn’t about looks alone — it’s about chemistry. Shape, size, material, and sensation all play their part. The right dildo feels like an extension of your own curiosity: responsive, comfortable, and made for your body’s unique rhythm. But here’s the good news — there’s no one-size-fits-all. Your perfect dildo is out there, whether you’re chasing deep fullness, pinpoint G-spot pleasure, or simply curious about what your body can do.

Size: It’s About Fit, Not Ego

Ignore the myths — bigger isn’t better. It’s all about what feels good for you.

  • Beginners often prefer slimmer, shorter styles (around 4–5 inches of insertable length) that let you explore gently — our Tansy G-Curve ticks those boxes.
  • Intermediate and advanced users might enjoy a little more length or girth — not for bragging rights, but for that delicious feeling of fullness. Perhaps give our Dill-Ribbed a shot.

Remember: a dildo shouldn’t feel like a challenge. It should feel like an invitation.

Shape: The Pleasure Is in the Details

  • Straight and simple: Great for all-over stimulation or those who want to explore at their own pace.
  • Curved: Perfect for G-spot or prostate play, designed to press right where it counts.
  • Textured or ridged: Adds extra friction and sensation — wonderful once you’re comfortable with penetration.
  • Double-ended or harness-compatible: Ideal for partner play and pegging exploration.

Purpose: Know What You’re Playing For

  • Vaginal stimulation? Go for a curved or bulbous design to reach the G-spot.
  • Anal exploration? Always pick a dildo with a flared base — it’s non-negotiable for safety.
  • Partner play or pegging? Choose a harness-compatible base and a shape that works for both of you.

Pleasure is never about performing — it’s about experimenting.

3. Preparation Is Everything

Here’s the unsexy truth about sex: pleasure thrives on preparation. The best dildo in the world won’t do much if your body isn’t ready, your mind isn’t in it, or your toy isn’t clean. Good prep turns a good experience into a great one — the kind that makes you grin at the ceiling afterwards and think, yes, that was worth it.

Get in the Mood (and Out of Your Head)

  • Dim the lights; put on music that makes you feel good.
  • Touch your body without a goal — just notice what feels nice.
  • Breathe. Relaxation is foreplay’s quiet cousin; it’s what allows muscles to open naturally.

If you’re new to penetration, tension is the biggest mood killer. The more relaxed and aroused you are, the more your body says “yes.”

Cleanliness Is (Actually) Next to Godliness

Before and after every use, wash your dildo with warm water and a gentle, unscented soap or our Simply Toy Cleaner. Pay attention to any grooves or textures. Rinse well and let it air-dry completely before storing. Never share toys between partners (or between anal and vaginal use) without cleaning thoroughly or using a condom over the toy — it’s a simple way to keep play safe and stress-free. For more detailed advice, check out our guide: 👉 How to Clean Your Sex Toys Properly

Lubrication: The Unsung Hero of Great Sex

If there’s one thing to never skimp on, it’s lube. It doesn’t just make everything feel smoother — it reduces friction, increases sensation, and helps muscles relax.

  • For silicone toys: use a water-based lubricant (silicone-on-silicone can damage the toy’s surface).
  • For glass or metal toys: use water-based or silicone-based lubes.
  • For anal play: choose a thicker, long-lasting formula — your body will thank you.

We love pairing any toy with our Simply Lube — made with natural aloe vera and free from parabens or synthetic nasties.

Set the Scene

Preparation isn’t just practical — it’s sensual. Lay down a towel. Warm your toy slightly with your hands or under warm (not hot) water. Make sure everything you need — lube, toy, tissue, water — is within reach. When you treat your pleasure like self-care, it becomes a way of connecting with yourself — body, mind, and heart aligned.

4. How to Use a Dildo (Step by Step)

Despite what the internet might suggest, there’s no single “correct” way to use a dildo. There’s only your way — the rhythm, pressure, and pace that make your body hum. Think of it less like following instructions and more like learning to dance. You’ll pick up the moves as you go, and you’ll absolutely have fun figuring it out.

Step 1: Start with Curiosity, Not Pressure

This is your time — not a performance. Start with gentle, exploratory touch: stroke your inner thighs, trace over your vulva or perineum, notice where your body draws you in. If you’re new to penetration, begin with a finger, then move to your toy once your body feels relaxed and responsive. Your dildo isn’t there to do something to you — it’s there to respond with you.

Step 2: Lube Generously

There’s no such thing as too much lube. Apply a good amount directly onto the dildo and your body — especially around the opening. For silicone toys, stick with Simply Lube. Reapply whenever you want — there are no medals for dryness here.

Step 3: Find Your Angle

When you’re ready to insert, take a deep breath and let your pelvic muscles soften. Guide the toy slowly — not straight in, but at a slight angle, following your natural curve. For vaginal use, tilt the toy upwards slightly towards your stomach — that’s where your G-spot lives, about 2–3 inches inside. Experiment with tiny movements at first: small rocks, shallow thrusts, or just holding it still inside you and breathing. Sometimes the stillness — that deep fullness — is the most powerful part.

Step 4: Play with Motion and Rhythm

  • Rock, don’t thrust: Rock the base or rotate the shaft slightly — it stimulates more nerve endings.
  • Vary speed: Slow, circular movements build deep waves; faster, rhythmic ones can tip you over the edge.
  • Combine sensations: Use your other hand, or a bullet like the Elemi Bullet Vibrator, on the clitoris while the dildo moves inside.
  • Use breath: Exhale as the toy moves in; inhale as it moves out — it keeps muscles relaxed and pleasure flowing.

Step 5: Solo vs. Partner Play

Solo play You’re in total control. Try mirroring your fantasies: switch positions, use a mirror, or experiment with temperature. With a partner Dildos can add a new dynamic to intimacy — mutual masturbation, foreplay, pegging, or double penetration. Talk first, go slow, and communicate throughout. Anal play Anal pleasure is all about preparation, patience, and flared bases. Start with deep breathing and gentle external touch. Always use lots of lube and go slowly — your body will let you know when it’s ready.

Step 6: Let Go of the Goal

Pleasure doesn’t have to end in orgasm. Sometimes the best part is just feeling — the slow build, the way your body reacts, the intimacy of taking your time. You’re learning your body’s language — and that’s the most erotic education of all.

5. Pleasure Techniques to Explore

Once you’ve got the basics down, it’s time to start playing. This is where dildos really shine — they’re endlessly versatile. Whether you want deep, grounding sensation or light, teasing touch, there’s a movement, angle, or combination that’s yours to discover.

The Power of Pressure and Movement

  • Rocking: Press the base up/down or side-to-side to stimulate the G-spot or prostate more directly.
  • Grinding: Keep the dildo inserted and gently grind your hips for internal fullness + external friction.
  • Pulsing: Hold it still and use your pelvic floor to squeeze around it — wave-like sensations ensue.
  • Twisting: If your dildo has ridges or texture, rotate it slightly to let those details shine.

A toy like our Dill-Ribbed is perfect for this kind of exploration — its ergonomic design responds to even the smallest movement.

Finding Your Hotspots

  • G-spot: A few inches inside the front vaginal wall; use a curved toy and “come-hither” motion. Feels deep, full, pressure-based.
  • A-spot: Deeper inside, near the cervix. Some love firm pressure; others prefer lighter touch. Explore gently.
  • Prostate: For people with prostates, it’s about 2–3 inches inside the rectum on the front wall. A firm, curved toy makes finding it intuitive.

Temperature Play

Temperature adds a new dimension — the contrast between cool and warm can make every nerve ending come alive.

  • Warm under hot (not boiling) water for a soft, melting warmth.
  • Chill in the fridge (never freezer) for 10–15 minutes for a cool, sharp tingle.

Our Tansy Helix is perfect for this — handcrafted from body-safe borosilicate glass, it holds temperature beautifully for slow, mindful exploration.

Double the Pleasure: Combining Toys

6. Aftercare and Cleaning

Pleasure doesn’t end when you put your toy down. Aftercare is that soft, grounding moment after play — where your body hums, your heart slows, and you remember that feeling good isn’t something to rush away from. It’s also the part that turns your dildo from a one-time thrill into a long-term, body-safe investment. If you’ve shared the experience with a partner, check in — not just “did you come?” but “how do you feel?” Those few quiet minutes can turn sex into something deeply connective.

Practical Aftercare: Cleaning Your Dildo

  1. Wash immediately after use. Warm water + mild, unscented soap, or a dedicated cleanser like our Simply Toy Cleaner.
  2. Mind the details. If your dildo has curves or ridges, clean into those contours.
  3. Rinse thoroughly. No residue, no bubbles.
  4. Dry fully. Pat with a lint-free towel and air-dry completely before storing.
  5. Store with love. Keep your toy in it’s TNLC soft pouch and away from direct sunlight or other toys — silicone and low-grade plastics don’t mix well.

If You’re Sharing Toys

If you’re playing with a partner — especially when switching between anal and vaginal use — always clean the toy or use a fresh condom between each. It’s not prudish — it’s self-respect in practice. You can absolutely keep your play spontaneous and safe — it just takes a bit of awareness.

7. Owning Your Pleasure

If there’s one truth that runs through everything we’ve talked about, it’s this: pleasure is personal — and it’s powerful. Learning to use a dildo isn’t about technique. It’s about permission. Permission to explore. To take up space. To know your body not as something to be managed, but as something to be celebrated. And here’s the quietly radical thing: when you invest in your pleasure — when you buy a toy that’s beautiful, body-safe, and sustainable — you’re saying, “I deserve this.” You’re choosing pleasure that doesn’t hurt the planet, or your body, or your self-esteem.

The Confidence of Curiosity

The more you explore your pleasure, the more confident you become in it. That confidence spills into everything — sex, relationships, even how you move through the world. Owning a dildo isn’t about replacing a partner or “needing” help to come. It’s about curiosity, joy, and understanding what you love — so you can share it, or keep it just for yourself.

Knowing what you like isn’t selfish. It’s self-knowledge.

 

Conclusion: Unlock It, Own It, Love It

Pleasure is a practice — not a performance, not a finish line. With a body-safe dildo, good lube, a little preparation, and a lot of curiosity, you’re not just “using a toy”; you’re building a relationship with your own desire. That relationship is sustainable, confidence-building, and gloriously yours. So run the bath. Light the candle. Reach for the toy that feels like it was made for you. Unlock it. Own it. Love it.