Toys in the bedroom? YES. Using toys together? Ermmm…. Not so sure.
We hear you. In fact, it’s a conversation we have a lot with people who like the idea of introducing toys to their partners but just don’t know where to start.
For most women, external clitoral stimulation is needed to achieve orgasm, and sex toys can bridge the gap between what we get from sex, what we want and what we aren’t getting. When you know your trusty vibrator always gets the job done, it’s natural to want your partner involved to help you reach the same heights.
However, introducing sex toys into the bedroom for the first time can be daunting, especially when it can feel like a judgment on your partner’s performance.
Here are some tips to help you out:
Kick Things off with a conversation
It’s important to have open communication in relationships, so start with a discussion out of the bedroom. Creating a safe space will make it much easier to suggest using a toy for the first time. Although you may think your partner will feel put off by the suggestion, most people will feel excited.
Like any first time, it’s probably going to be awkward, push through it!
Sex is meant to be a fun experience, so don’t be scared to try new things. Embrace the awkwardness and have fun trying new things together. Introducing sex toys into your relationship should be a fun new activity for you to enjoy together as a couple. If you can get past the anxiety of toys, the rewards can be intense. Try to explain this to your partner.
Where there’s a will… there isn’t always a way, don’t force it
If your partner isn’t keen on the idea, don’t insist that you use toys. Instead, use them on your own for now. Then, try a different approach or ask them why they feel uncomfortable. In your relationship, it’s healthy to have these conversations and to have a safe space to discuss how you feel.
It’s a 2-way street, find mutual benefits
Some people may view toys as an attack on their sexual performance or competition to them. Try to find a toy that benefits and involves you both. Remember, sex is meant to add to your experience, not make you feel inadequate.
You can never communicate enough, check in before and after
When you start to introduce a new toy, make sure to check in with your partner to see how it’s feeling for both of you. It’s important to have open communication when it comes to sex, as it is for both of you to enjoy. As part of your aftercare, make sure you check in on your partner to see the things they enjoyed or if they wanted to switch it up next time.
For once, don’t dive in at the deep end, there are lots of toys for beginners
Let’s be honest, some sex toys can be a little daunting, even for the most seasoned pro! Start of small, there are a bunch of toys made for beginners that will have your spark reignited in no time! Try browsing together with your partner, to find something that works for both of you. Remember, sex is meant to be fun not scary.
Choose something non-threatening to start. You want to keep it playful and exciting, not terrifying. Check out this Cistus Dual G Spot & Clitoral Vibrator that your partner can control or the Elemi Bullet Vibrator which is a super small yet effective clitoral vibrator your partner will have no trouble keeping hold of during play.
The bedroom is a place for creativity and nowadays there are lots of sex toys available that share no resemblance to anything remotely phallic! Perhaps start with something non-fleshy coloured, quiet and a little more subtle before you step it up a gear.
In the words of Beyonce, you’re irreplaceable!
Suggesting the use of a sex toy can sometimes feel like an attack to your partner. To prevent any feeling of inadequacy arising it’s all about the delivery and how you suggest bringing them into the picture.
Always start by reminding your partner how sexy they are. You want the toy to be a positive addition to the experience, not the entire focus of your time together. Be sure to remind your partner how sexy they are and how much you love their body.
Remember you can always pick it up and put it down whenever you like! Try and let them take control and play to the moments where the toy isn’t involved too.
In summary, introducing sex toys to your partner can be a fun and exciting experience if done properly. Start with a conversation, find mutual benefits, and choose a toy that works for both of you. Remember to check in before and after and keep the focus on the experience, not the toy.
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